I wish whoever is in charge of this place, my existence, my hell, would dim these fucking lights. Who the fuck needs this much brightness?! And why is the ground both solid and wavy? This is bullshit of the highest order. I need a good high… Whoa, fuck! I know those shoes! Shay!!!
After successfully making contact…
“Shay! Where the fuck am I?!”
In a booming, almost distance voice, Shay answers. “Fight, Dan! Fight! You have to find your way back. You’re not here. You’re not here. You’re not here. You have no time. Do you hear me, Dan? You have no time! I repeat, there’s is no time, and you have no time! Do you see any time?! You broke it, Dan. You broke time! You’re in between time! Fight! Be careful! Only trust what you know to be true! This world is your place and the things in this world are what you know! There are no buffalos where you are and you have no time! You must find both, but please be fucking careful!”
And with that, Shay disappears like fog being chased away by the sun.
Fuck, Shay’s high. What the fuck is she talking about? And why did I see the words physically leave her mouth?! She must be agitated, because used a shit ton of exclamation marks. And where the fuck did she go?! I feel like I’m dreaming. I need to lay down. Fuck I’m tired.
And with that, Dan falls asleep. When he wakes up, the place he was in is no more.
Where am I? What is this stuff? This is thicker than air, almost gelatin-like. It’s not that it’s dark, there just isn’t any light. I know it isn’t dark because objects move in and out of my line of sight, and I can see them clearly. Three dimensional objects, floating past me, as clear as day, almost as if they’re giving off their own light. It’s like this place is lighted with black lights, but there is no obvious source and absolutely no glare.
“Wait, I know that! Those are my keys!”
He reaches for them, but it’s as if the keys are repelled from his grasp like two opposing magnets. He sees some books that he knows belong to him. The books don’t react to Dan’s hands like the keys did, but he’s physically unable to grasp them. His attempts to do so end with the books flying every which way. Next he sees a picture of his dog, but when he gets close, the photo melts. The physics of Dan’s world are definitely not the physics of the real world. When he reaches for his laptop, the thing folds in on itself like a Transformer, transforming into the lamest thing ever: a cube. He reaches for Shay’s phone and, miraculously, is able to grasp it. He’s adapting, but the difference in physics makes typing difficult. Needless to say, Dan hasn’t perfected the physics of his existence. He then sees the Holy grail. He sees something that brings his dream full circle. It makes sense. He sees a buffalo. The beast is floating there, almost as if it were a hovercraft. He reaches for the rock, grabs it and…
“Fuck, Shay. How much do I owe you for the phone?”
That’s all he said. As quickly as came back to the real world, he was gone again. This time, though, he’s fallen victim to a coma, not another dimension.
Yoshi begins to fix Dan.